These are a very small amount of sentences said in the game.


  • Any of those monkeys try to mess with me and I'll rip 'em a new asshole!
  • [about a cow] But they're covered in nipples!
  • What's shakin', Pox? You look a little... what's the word... constipated.
  • Alright monkeys, you want a war, you got a war.
  • Don't get mad, get sadistic.
  • I think this calls for the JUMBO PROBE.
  • I've gotta rescue me - him - he's gotta rescue me - I mean we gotta - I gotta - brains, man - WHEN DO I GET TO BLOW THINGS UP?!
  • [Disguised as President Huffman] The truth is, America has been invaded though not by little green men, but red and the invaders are definitely of this Earth. America has been invaded by Communists.
  • Attention humans. I am Cryptosporidium of the planet Furon. This planet is now a territory of the Furon Empire. Resist THIS.
  • No more blowing stuff up?
  • Pathetic Humans!
  • Snack time.
  • It's probin' time!


  • (After letting the game sit for a while) Well, it's your electric bill. You could turn the console off, you know. Haven't you ever heard of global warming?
  • (After letting the game sit for a while) Oh, don't mind me. I'm only a fictional character in a simulated universe, after all. I have nothing better to do, really. I'm just made up of a bunch of electrons floating around your console, and a few hundred kilobytes of data stored on your DAH disk. DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO MEEEE!!!
  • (After letting the game sit for a while) Didn't anyone tell you? The name of the game is "DESTROY ALL HUMANS!", not "SCREW AROUND ON THE MOTHERSHIP!"
  • (After letting the game sit for a while) Why don't you hurry up and eat you fish and chips and watch your television?!
  • [in Mothership if left idle] Take a step outside the Mothership. There's a whole planet filled with humans just waiting to be stepped on!
  • [if the player can't afford upgrades] If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding. (a reference to Pink Floyd's "A Brick In The Wall")
  • [if the player can't afford upgrades] Oh, and I suppose you think I'm just going to hand over upgrades for a song?!
  • Crypto! That human law-enforcement officer is attempting an unauthorized entry of your spacecraft! If those peabrains were to get their hands on your QUANTUM DECONSTRUCTOR, they could rip a hole in the spacetime continuum!!! Oh, the Furonity! VAPORIZE THEM, CRYPTO!!!
  • Oh no! The crackpot is dead. Now you have no choice, you have to find Bert Wither on your own!
  • Brains? ... Healthy green glow? ... THOSE HUMAN FOOLS! Clearly, they've genetically altered these pathetic gasbags and turned them into RADIOACTIVE EXPLODING ZOMBIE COWS! Show them the folly of their mad science!
  • I didn't clone you to think, Crypto.
  • Robo-Prez is getting away! It looks like he's heading for the Coolidge Memorial! Or is that the Rutherford B. Hayes Monument? Oh, I should have kept a hold on that tourist map!
  • ROBO-PREZ! ROBO-PREZ! He's heading for the white building! No, the OTHER white building! You know, the one with the statue of the tall ugly guy with the beard, he's, like, Amish or something...
  • Oh, how cute! Robo-Prez is all hurt, and he's picking up his brain-stem and heading home! Poor little Robo-Prez! Everyone is so mean to him! FOLLOW HIM TO THE WHITE HOUSE AND CRUSH HIM LIKE A TIN CAN IN A TRASH COMPACTOR!
  • We cannot allow Sleepy Ernst to turn humanity into his own supply of science guinea-pigs! They should be OUR guinea-pigs!
  • Crypto, it's an ambush! Circle the wagons! Throw me a shotgun! Get the womenfolk inside-- Oh, I must stop watching human television. Ah, screw it. DESTROY THEM ALL!
  • [about the saucer] Here's the keys, and do be careful with this one, 00-- I mean, Crypto.
  • The humans are trying to stop my film! KILL THE BASTARDS! Have they no appreciation for art?
  • We can subjugate the humans to the reign of the Furon Empire! AHAHAHAHAHA- [coughs]
  • It's time to capture one of those Men in... Really-Dark-Brown, and give him a good probing. What do you say... up for a little fun?
  • Hmmm... passengers and compounds appear to made of carbon components. They must have gotten the soylent-green leather interior. Pricey option.
  • They've sent in their cyborgs! Can Steve Austin be far behind?
  • I detect military units approaching from the south... with my Military Unit Detector-O-Tron! Oh, just take my word for it!
  • We can peer into the minds of lower life forms via the cortex scan. Rip the illiterate thoughts from their pathetic little brains!!!!
  • So what would you like to upgrade, you little ball of unbridled aggression?
  • [after Crypto scans a cow] "Moo"? Primitive, yet profound. Scan another one!
  • What we need to do is find the dumbest most malleable human in the area. Admittedly, the competition will be fierce. YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO SCAN THEM ALL!
  • [in reference to the zombie cows] They must have gathered them for study. Can't imagine what they hope to learn.


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