- "This sure doesn't look like the pie eating contest..."
- ―Miss Rockwell[src]
Miss Rockwell was the winner of the Rockwell beauty pageant at the county fair. She is very beautiful and voluptuous, but is the dumbest character in the game. She is highly sought-after, especially by the local Mayor who has sexual thoughts about her and planned to take advantage of her stupidity and enact those thoughts. After Crypto hypnotizes Miss Rockwell to leave the fairgrounds and go to his saucer, Crypto abducts her so he can probe and interrogate her.
She is never seen again in the game, except for a newspaper saying that (after she was probed) she was sent to a mental institution for rambling about the existence of aliens. In the second game, she is briefly mentioned by the White Ninja Leader during a conversation in the mission The Revenge of the Ninja.