All living NPCs have a multitude of Thoughts. This is a brief, incomplete list of thoughts heard in the game, as there hundreds of different ones.
- The thoughts in the game were chosen from entries in a competition during the game's development.
"I loves my Bessie, but I loves my steak. Bessie. Steak. Steak. Bessie. Oh, Lord why you make me choose?"
Town Crazy in Santa Modesta Edit
"I love my mother. A lot. Is that so wrong?"
"I guess I could always get a job driving a taxi. They'll take anyone!."
"I hear the dolphins have made good contact with the extraterrestrials, I heard that one from one of the mice."
"I could always get a job at the post office, I hear that's where all the sane people work."
"I love Bert Whither, even though he called me a crackpot on that TV interview. He said lukewarm fusion wouldn't work, but I know it would if only I'd have gotten the funding, but I didn't, thanks to Bert Whither. Bastard!"
Town Crazy in Union Town Edit
"Who am I?"
"The end is nigh! It's really, really nigh."
"99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer.."
"I still don't get that magic-eye thing, I can't see ze damn dolphin!"
"RD R squared? I don't get it."
"I got what every woman wants, a 12-inch slide rule and a 166 IQ. Heh heh heh."
"I'm working on something called the internet, but I'm worried it won't catch on."
"Here I am with a brain the size of a planet, and I can't get lucky for my life!"
"What if E=MC cubed... My God! I just saw the hole in my pants by looking around the curvature of space and time!"
"I musn't be late, they are waiting for me in the test chamber... Oh wait, wrong game."
"I hope we never have to use this fearsome instrument of death! On the other hand, it would look wicked cool!"
Majestic Mutants Edit
"1...+....1...equals....window....hur hur hur.."
"You're nothing without me. Remember that."
"Agent Arbogast of Majestic is my name, and hunting Furons is my game. And the odd political assassination, but I don't like to talk about that."
"I wonder why Silhouette keeps giving me these assignments. Was it because I hit on her at the Majestic Christmas party last year? Wait, no one's supposed to know Silhouette's a chick! Scratch that thought."
"What if the other guys notice? Oh, who cares? Lace feels so comfortable under this suit!"
"As long as I live I'll never forget the look on that alien's face... squeal Crypto 136, squeal like a pig! And he did dammit! "
Sleepy Ernst Edit
"Soon I'll prove the human mind can be controlled by televised propaganda and then I'll start my own cable news network! Where the heck are those Majestic Agents? America ain't gonna brainwash itself!"
"Go ahead, make my day!"
"Man, am I crooked! I just roughed up a little old lady for jaywalking! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Sometimes I kill myself."
"I AM THE LAW!"
"There's a screenplay in this. YO YO YO SERPICO! Wait....wrong decade."
"My mind says Marilyn, but my nightstick says Betty Page."
"Wonder if I oughtta go out and hit someone with my nightstick? Could be fun."
"Bill of rights? Who the hell needs a bill of rights? I'm Bill, and I'm right."
"How the hell am I suppose to run in these shoes? Shiny, shiny shoes."
"It's a good day to use excessive force. Heck- any day is a good day to use excessive force."
"Nightstick. Check. Taking bribes from local gangster. Check. Sense of Moral Superiority over fellow citizens. Check. Time to arrest me some peeps."
"I like that Nixon, I have a feeling he's gonna make us cops popular again."
"What would Eliot Ness do? Never carry a knife to a gunfight? No, that's not it, what was it again?"
"To serve and protect. To serve and protect. To serve and protect. To swerve and defect. To curve and perfect. Dammit I lost it!"
"Move along, nothing to see here! I sure like saying that!"
"Well, it was either bustin' crooks or gettin' my doctorate in Quantum Physics."
"I love a man in uniform! Oh wait, I am a man in uniform. Heheheheh."
Santa Modesta Male Citizen Edit
"Now wait a minute. These houses all look alike... Which one do I live in again?"
"If there's anything more sensual than polyester, I haven't found it..."
"I've got to keep up with the Joneses! If only I could remember who the Joneses ARE!"
"It's like we traveled to a future where TV was in color, and they made a program about our happy days in Santa Modesta!"
"My mind says Huffman, but my stomach says Eisenhower. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I bet Ike tastes like a cheeseburger."
"Some people call me JOE Six-pack I don't know why, I never work out."
"Audie Murphy is a pussy. Now, John Wayne, that's a man's man."
"Olive this, khaki that. What the hell's wrong with fuchsia?"
"March here, march there - march it yourself jerkoff!"
"From prom queen to dairy wrench! I should've never married my cousin!"